Experiencing wine in high-definition, or, How I learned to stop worrying and love my decanter

I realised the other day that – sad as it may seem – for me, getting a new decanter recently was like getting a brand new blu-ray player.

All this time, I discovered, I had been stuck in DVD territory in my home entertainment wine drinking habits. I did all the necessary tricks for ensuring I did the winemaker justice: I kept the bottle at the right temperature, I poured a bit out in some pretty good Riedel glasses, and I let them breathe before getting stuck in (well, for the most part anyway). For some of the bigger reds I even tipped the whole bottle out in a jug and sloshed it around a bit for good measure. Oh yes, I was a conscientious wine drinker, no doubt, but still lagging that little bit behind the times.

But not any more! Now I can hold my head high and marvel with pride at my sparkling new decanter in all of its lead crystal magnificence. “Lead crystal” … oh yes! Doesn’t that just sound like something shiny and wonderful? Surely all TVs have lead crystal displays now…

Gone are the days of wine drinking mediocrity. Now I can be welcomed by wine geeks worldwide with open arms. And I will shun those who drink from goon bags and gulp down white wine warm, for they are as bad as those people who don’t mind watching dodgy pirate DVDs from Bali, or who download copies of films where the guy with a weak bladder walks out during the second reel. Better they go back to VHS, for there is certainly less shame in embracing those humble origins than showing the entire industry such disrespect.

Oh yes, I am proud of my new decanter, which allows me to appreciate my wine in vivid and vibrant HD. It makes the most of those new, great, action-packed wines I love so much: the Shirazes and Cab Sauvs of this world. Such effortless and smooth tracking, such clarity of flavour!

True, I wax lyrical. But why not? I have it now, so the least I can do is appreciate it. And what’s that you say? It has space in it for not just one, but two bottles wine in there?! Why, yes, it does! I know, I know, you might say that’s unnecessary, a step too far even. But I’d say it’s like having fibre-optic cabling for your surround sound: an extravagance without a doubt, but a great feature to point out when you have guests round who appreciate that type of thing.